My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
