i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
