Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
