a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
