We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His nipple licking is glorious
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