its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want her autograph on my taint
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
