I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
