I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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