already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
