Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
