Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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