While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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