Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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