after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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