I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I can text with my tongue
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
