I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
