I CAN MOONWALK!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
