Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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