All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
