I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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