you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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