New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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