He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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