The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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