She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
