The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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