Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
