just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
