Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
