Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
