So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
