it's like iHOP with fire
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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