I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
