I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
