I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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