everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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