just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
