Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
