it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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