ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
