I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
