If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize