he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
