It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
