Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
