There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
