Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
