Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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