plz talk dirty to me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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