My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
