oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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