I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize