My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize