I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
