Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize