all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
