if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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