I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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