just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
