legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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