Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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