I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was like eating out sand paper
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
