Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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