he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
