you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
